Even today, I look back with great sadness on the 22 years I spent in that marriage. It wasn’t all bad but there definitely wasn’t enough good. I was told by a marriage counselor that the balance should be a 5/1 ratio, five good experiences for every bad one in a relationship. For me it was 1/1.  I never knew what I was gonna get! I can’t wish it all away  because I would be wishing my babies away with it. Can’t do that. So as bad as it was, maybe there was a reason for it??? I have no idea what that could have been but I’m sure one day when I look back in retrospect, I’ll see how God’s plan unfolded. Can’t wait for THAT day!

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3 Comments

  1. January 18, 2012 at 7:48 am

    I understand how you feel so much. I too was raised as a J.W. and have since left. But that decision cost me all of family – and while I would make the same decision again, it is hard sometimes seeing where God is in all of it. Let me know if you would like to talk.

  2. aturn84 said,

    January 19, 2012 at 7:59 am

    It has been many years since I left the “fold” and, as you know, the effects linger. I don’t think many people truly understand the strength it takes to pull away when you’re told that if you do so you will meet certain destruction at Armageddon. I even had my sister’s daughter tell my children they were going to be destroyed! Thankfully they don’t remember that. I decided that if I was OK with death and since they teach that there is no hell, and heaven is only for the chosen few, I’d fare pretty well. I’d just die and that would be it. LOL

    I’m glad to hear from you. Have you found a good place within yourself now. Are you happy?

    • January 19, 2012 at 8:31 pm

      Tricky question – have I found a good place within myself and am I happy…. hmm… yes, overall I am very happy. But mentally/emotionally I still struggle at times. While I never really miss J.W. “religion” itself, I do miss the sense of belonging. I miss my family very much. My mom died when I was 16 years old and my grandmother died last year. All of my family is J.W.’s. That means – all grandparents, aunts, uncles, my dad do not speak to me. I am lucky because my sister is not a J.W. and we are close – but I still miss my family very much! It is hard at times not to be jealous of other people at times.

      My grandmother also told me that I was a devil worshiper and that I was going to be destroyed. After my grandmother died last year, my aunt sent a letter telling me of how both my mom and grandma would want to see me in paradise….. etc.

      It is hard, because I wish that my kids had more family, and I wish that I had more family.

      What about you — are you happy, good inner place?


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